Friendship. Support. Love. And arguments.
Honestly challenging each other since the last century.
1 of 7
The Humble One™
Chief Out-of-the-Box Officer
Thinks so far outside the box he can no longer locate the box. World's most humble man (self-certified, plaque ordered). Claims he can teleport — yet somehow is always the last one to the beach.
2 of 7
The Cowboy Philosopher
Deep thoughts. Dirt roads.
Half Descartes, half diesel. Will explain existentialism, then fix your fence, then explain why the fence was a metaphor all along. “I think, therefore I reckon.”
3 of 7
The Granddad Standard
Family first. Friends a very close second.
While the rest of us argue about who's right, Jim quietly points out what actually matters. His grandkids say he's the best granddad alive. For once, nobody in this group argued.
4 of 7
The Critical Thinker
Trust, but verify. Then verify again.
Has never met a claim he didn't cross-examine. Runs every statement through peer review, including compliments. Is currently fact-checking this card and has found two issues.
5 of 7
The Reliable One*
Always there when you need him.
*Availability void where litigation exists. Will show up at 2 AM with jumper cables, a plan, and a brief liability waiver. Loyalty: unlimited. Legal exposure: zero.
6 of 7
The Perspective Guy
Every topic. One lens.
Economics, geopolitics, plate tectonics — give him any subject and within ninety seconds it has somehow become that subject. Honestly, the range is impressive. The consistency, legendary.
7 of 7
The Oracle
Speaks rarely. Misses never.
Says one sentence per beach walk. That sentence ends the argument. Statistically the most efficient man alive — while the rest of us burn thousands of words being wrong.
The binding (but unenforceable — ask Ben) charter of the Council.
Honest challenge is mandatory. All claims shall be questioned, especially when nobody asked.
Support is unconditional. Agreement is not. These are different departments.
Arguments may be lost, but shall never be conceded. Rematches are automatic at the next beach walk.
Any claim of teleportation must be demonstrated before the next gathering. (Motion pending since approximately 1997. Abner cites “scheduling.”)
Love is mandatory. Saying it out loud is optional. Showing up for 30+ years is how we say it.